Georgina,
"OK James. I just don't want to upset you by having you think I'm misrepresenting your work by feeding back my misunderstandings"
I have never been upset by you or anyone else by feedback to me about my work. Do you want to color our past disagreement in your favor or do you want to discuss the barn-pole problem? I am interested in discussing only the barn-pole problem. Here is one more attempt at discussion.
"James I think you have set out the paradox OK. However a few things to bear in mind. The Lorentz transformation that predicts the pole will fit is from the perspective of "Barney" at the barn only, not "Polly" with the pole. Its to do with reference frame not just speed. For "Polly" at the pole the barn appears to be moving and the pole stationary giving the appearance of shrinking of barn instead. From that reference frame but not the other, Barney's."
The pole and the barn are sufficient for the problem to be resolved. Perspective is fine for discussion between observers, but observers are neither necessary nor functional in the barn-pole paradoxical problem. There is no need for a Barney nor a Polly for the purpose of learning about what happens mechanically. Relativists do have a need for a Barney or Polly for diversionary purposes. Is it your position that what a Barney or Polly sees or thinks they see affects the mechanical outcome of the pole-barn paradox? We need to agree what the problem is, otherwise any solution is irrelevant. My position is that there is a pole with an approaching velocity relative to a stationary barn. The question to be answered is: Is there a velocity at which the pole approaches that is sufficient, when substituted into the Lorentz transform equation for length-contraction, to allow an otherwise 'too-long' pole to fit within the length of the barn?
You wrote"Sometimes the wording is weak and it can seem that the relativists are speaking about appearances. However, they are speaking about physical changes to either the pole or the barn that occur independent of whatever may affect the light that is reflected away." If that is the case there is a paradox because a substantial Object can not be simultaneously short and long BUT from two different observer perspective the manifestations of the object can be different without paradox. Regarding the doors, there is no agreement about simultaneity from the two different reference frames.
Yes there is a paradox for relativists and the relativists' proposed solution fails.
James Putnam