Garrett,
Thank you for commenting and rating part 1 of my trilogy of videos "This Is Physics". You asked for feedback on the way you presented the geometry of particle physics to a popular audience in your video, and I am happy to provide some.
There are many strong points to your video: the use of props (the arrow, the inflatable ball and torus), the description of research on the Higgs at the LHC... Moreover, many of your expressions are memorable: I liked the way you explained that the extra dimensions "inner space" is not IN our universe, but instead ATTACHED to it, and I particularly liked the way you described Earth's gravity, as a "bending of the flow of time" towards the center of the Earth!
Of course, what you are trying to explain is very advanced, and many of the concepts that you mention without defining them (like weak charge and hypercharge) are completely unknown of the general public... so I suspect a lot of people will be fairly lost. The first slide that you show to illustrate symmetry breaking (with the "sombrero" and the Feynman diagrams) is very intimidating for someone who has no idea what it is supposed to represent, so it might have been better to bring the arrow or the blue ball right away the first time you mention symmetry breaking. I am afraid that the joke about the hyperbolic torus taking forever to inflate was also way over the head of almost everyone in the audience (but I found it quite funny!).
The rating I gave you reflects my personal appreciation of your video, but it may not reflect that of the typical member of a popular audience... not that you need ratings anyway, since as a FQXi member you will get to the finals as soon as you have commented and rated 5 essays.
Speaking of which... parts 2 and 3 of my trilogy are desperately in need of a few votes so they can get to the 10-votes thresold needed to be even considered for the finals... so if you have the time to look at them and rate them, it would be quite appreciated. By the way, part 3 ("Physics Into Darkness") deals with more modern subjects (like the Higgs boson), so you might find it particularly interesting!
Good luck in the finals!
Marc