Peter,
Let's just make this as simple as possible. As you say, it's hiding under our noses.
Take two basic spring loaded clocks, with equal force in both springs, but one ticks faster and so uses its store of energy faster. Eventually it will stop, while the other clock keeps ticking.
Another example would be that it is said the average lifespan of a healthy mammal is about a billion heartbeats, so those with a faster heartrate live shorter lives.
Keep in mind all of these are basic actions and as such are their own clocks. If we want a very accurate clock, we find something where each oscillation is as equal as possible to every other oscillation, with minimal irregularities, because even the separate oscillations are their own actions.
Now if we were to take this very accurate clock and put it in different physical circumstance, such that its rate of oscillation changes, all it really means is its rate of oscillation changes. No different than if adrenalin were to cause your heart rate to speed up.
All these actions are physically present as they occur. The energy manifesting them is not elsewhere. There is no set universal clockrate. In Julian Barbour's winning essay in the nature of time contest, he argued the only universal measure would be the path of least action between different configuration states of the universe. So this would require everyone of those actions to follow as efficient a path as possible and since there is no privileged observer frame for the universe, might be difficult to actually calculate, since events can appear in different sequence and at different rates from different frames.
Of course the necessity of least action, in the context of individual clocks, irrespective of Tom's mind games, is that the energy carries over as efficiently as possible from one oscillation to the next, making timekeeping fairly regular.
The larger point being that time arises from this activity and there is no and no need for an underlaying dimension of time. Duration does not transcend the state of the present, but is that present during and between the creation and dissolution of particular events.
Tom,
"an asymmetric relation that leaves the traveling twin younger than the stay at home twin, at the point of origin."
My point exactly. The younger twin was in the slower frame.
Regards,
John M