Chris,
I've just re-read your essay and continue to admire it. Although you do not really propose a theory, you do a great service by laying out in detail the absurdities associated with quantum mechanics and asking whether physicists are really willing to just live with these.
On my thread I note that my morning mail brought two mentions of the C-field in the 12 Mar 2011 issue of 'Science News':
The first (p.14) states that the C-field generated by a spinning Black Hole imparts (detectable) angular momentum to light passing through the field, circularly polarizing the light. Martin Bojowald suggests upgrading most telescopes to search for more of this.
The second article (p.20) on quantum vortices has Kerson Huang of MIT speculating that the vortices in the (C-field) 'superfluid' after the big bang may be responsible for the gaps of empty space between galaxies.
From 'Fly-by' mysteries to spinning Black Holes to the Big Bang, the C-field is being recognized as having physical reality responsible for observable effects.
You ask the important question: "Is there any explanation for why a photon and an electron will produce the same pattern in a double slit experiment? Especially curious, since electrons possess electric and magnetic fields while photons are points representing moving locations in those same changing fields."
As I mention in my comment above, the C-field couples to the "momentum" which both electron and photon possess!
Finally, I again had to admire your question, "why doesn't an electron ever pop back into existence as a muon, or a cheeseburger?"
I believe that you've beautifully analyzed a fundamental issue plaguing physics and for this I give you a very high rating!
Thanks for your analysis.
Edwin Eugene Klingman