Hi Georgina. It is true that there are people with mutually incompatible lifestyles and ideologies, and this is rather the rule, than the exception. But I don't get the argument that tolerance is useless, because there is intolerance in the world. You mentioned "neighbors at war", isn't the reason they are at war precisely the lack of understanding or at least of trying to understand one another? Intolerance causes more intolerance, so fighting it back doesn't solve the problem, it amplifies it. In the history, there are examples of "neighbors", at larger scales, who were at war for generations, and neither of them know how it started, both sides only know some of their side who were killed, and just want to avenge them. Now, I don't claim that if someone attacks you, you should stay "tolerant" and wait it to pass, to avoid amplifying the conflict. I never said to tolerate intolerance, and tolerance doesn't mean to accept others as they are even if they are intolerant.
You asked "how to attain or maintain tolerance". The answer is "simple", by promoting tolerance. I mentioned education, critical thinking (even its introduction in schools), promoting acceptance of those different so that we can understand them and they can understand us, and see that we are not a threat to one another. A large number of conflicts, perhaps most of them, are due to misunderstanding.
There are indeed violent actions done with the purpose of gaining or conquering. In general, even people doing such violent acts invent justifications for them, such as "I will rob this guy, rich guys deserve to be robbed, they rob us all the time", or "I will rape this b***h, she asked for it", or "they are a threat to our traditions/way of life/etc". Most of these justifications can be washed away by a real understanding of the other person/side, and by critical thinking. But this requires a specific form of education, which is based on tolerance. The possibility that they will go to prison/be bombarded is not enough to stop them, the best way is to reach their mind and heart. But first, let's make ourselves non-violent and able to understand others, otherwise this will not work.
Some may thing that life is a jungle, and you have to be aggressive in order to survive and do something good for yourself and the loved ones. It is precisely this way of thinking that creates violence in the world. It is true that in some critical situations this may be needed, but on long term, other kind of action is needed. Think at some martial arts like Aikido, in which violence is the last resort, and is allowed only after trying all non-violent ways.
Each one has his/her lifestyle or ideology. By adopting it, you also spread it in the world. You adopted it from somewhere, in turn, others will inherit it from you. So, be a member of the society you want to live in. This doesn't ensure that you will change the entire world by this, but this will spread slowly to your family, friends, coworkers. Lifestyle is viral.
