Dear Laurence,
I agree with you that "our worldview would be greatly unified if we should come to understand that everything in existence can be fully described in mathematical terms." That's why in my essay I try to defend the possibility that all that exists is made of abstract (mathematical) structures. But I think that your argument about the (possibly) non-mathematical nature of the flow of time and consciousness is an important one. I like how you differentiate between "instrumental" abstractness as intrinsic irrelevance of what a structure is made of, and "absolute" abstractness as having no intrinsic properties whatsoever.
I agree with you when you say that "if both temporal passage and conscious experience are nothing but mathematical structures, they are peculiar structures which somehow are able to be something quite unlike the other members of the mathematical realm", but unlike you, I think that this is a real possibility.
Talking about the Mathematical Universe Hypothesis, you write: "Once the equal reality of all mathematical structures is asserted, the issue arises whether there is any reason not to admit also the reality of non-mathematical possibilities." I personally think that the MUH implies the reality of all structures (what I call the Maxiverse, a view that is close to David Lewis' modal realism), but I would say that ultimately, all structures are mathematical. But, as you rightly point out, what do we mean exactly when we say "mathematical structure"?
One thing is certain, I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion: "The issue, though obviously difficult and unclear, is well worth further thought."
Strangely, your excellent essay has been a bit forgotten so far in the competition, and I hope bumping it higher will make it more noticeable. Good luck!