SepiaBeetle I had been drawn to this essay by its (frankly brilliant) title and abstract a couple of times, but must admit that in my first few attempts at reading it through I always bounced off of your 'note on style', which reads to me like a preemptive dulling of your blade lest it cut too deeply. If you want to go in, guns blazing, taking no prisoners, then do it! Don't hedge your bets, don't try to prime your audience into preemptively excusing any stylistic overreaches. If you want to draw blood, you should write to the courage of your own convictions, not flinch away from them at the last second!
Nevertheless, I am in broad sympathy with at least your cautions against exaggerated claims that are good for grabbing headlines and funding, but perhaps don't quite deliver on their promise in the long term. It is always good to erect a bit of a dam against the torrent of hype, and one can't deny that slapping 'quantum' in front of virtually any field of study invites a magnitude of hype hard to explain with classical resources. Hence, I do broadly agree with your call to invite quantum biology to distinguish itself as a distinct field of study, rather than just a distinct means of attracting funding.
Additionally, the argument towards an algebraic formulation of biology is interesting, but unfortunately cut too short to be convincing -- perhaps the essay would have benefitted from less airing of the familiar grievances regarding the publish-or-perish culture of academia in favor of more exploration of this intriguing idea. As it is, it feels somewhat tacked on, more of a teaser than an argument, which ends the essay on a somewhat incomplete note.
Let me now first get a couple of -- ultimately minor -- quibbles out of the way. First, the 'randomness' of quantum theory is, to my mind, far from its most distinguishing feature. After all, it can consistently be formulated in a perfectly deterministic fashion, in either the guise of Many Worlds or Bohmian theories. Furthermore, even intrinsically stochastic theories are by no means necessarily quantum. Also, I'm not sure about the claim that non-commutativity fully explains quantum weirdness. Again there are also theories with non-commutative measurements (Spekkens' toy theory, for one) that fail to reproduce certain features of QM (Bell-nonlocality and contextuality, for example). In the reconstruction of quantum mechanics of Clifton, Bub, and Halvorson, non-commutativity follows from the no-broadcasting axiom, but it needs a further one making unconditionally secure bit commitment impossible to yield entanglement, which, as you say, is 'quintessentially quantum'.
On another minor note, you write that 'The essential problem for almost all scientific inquiry is to find the correct representation'. I don't think this is the case at all. Much progress is made, in fact, by changing representations: changing Hilbert space operators for path integrals or a noncommutative phase space algebra. I don't even think there's a good case that there is a 'right' representation: but different ones may work to our advantage in different settings.
As for your overarching argument, I must confess to always having trouble with such 'a priori' declarations of impossibility. There are many things well-known from theoretical considerations that just ain't so. There clearly is space for quantum effects to be efficacious in the macro-regime: that's after all what people are doing with Bell test experiments and the like. An argument that such effects are irrelevant for biology then can't come solely from the physical side, but needs to take into account the biological contribution, as well: effectively rendering it impossible for biological systems to reach whatever narrow sliver of quantum effectiveness can be ported to the macroscale. Is there a gap between what quantum physics provides and what biology can reach, or do both overlap? I don't think the science on either side of this is advanced enough to settle, and moreover it seems to me that even answering it in the negative, requiring expertise both in biology and quantum theory, could well be called an exercise in quantum biology.
Anyway, I thought this was an intriguing essay and, despite my initial stumbling, well worth reading. I hope it'll do well in the contest!