I think this is a really interesting essay. It's one of the few where the idea actually got me thinking about its plausibility. Ultimately I think there are some pretty significant problems with the argument however. I'll try to organise my thoughts, in the hope you might have some rebuttal stored up!
Okay the single biggest problem I have is one all cascade effects. share - there's a signal-to-noise paradox here, which the essay completely glosses over. If a cell's cascade is sensitive enough to be reliably triggered by a single, specific quantum event (a spin state), it must also be sensitive to all other quantum-scale thermal fluctuations. The cell should be drowning in noise. The essay never explains how the "amplifier" distinguishes the "signal" (a spin state) from the "noise" that should, by all rights, be triggering it constantly. This incidentally is exactly the reason why Schrodinger makes the argument that life must occur on the scale of cells rather than atoms, because this kind of noise sensitivity would make structured and predictable behaviour phenomenologically impossible.
Moreover, where is your evidence for this? You give the example of a DNA mutation, but surely this is a very different kind of event from its proposed quantum trigger. A DNA mutation is a permanent, high-energy change to a stable information template. The cascade (replication) reads this new, permanent information. A radical-pair spin state is a fleeting, low-energy change in an unstable intermediate. The cascade would have to catch this signal in the femtoseconds before it decoheres. These are not comparable. The essay's "root proposal" rests on an analogy that breaks down under physical scrutiny. Moreover, there's a whiff of constructing a "Just-So" Evolutionary Story. The essay asks, "Why does life use quantum processes?" and answers "sensing". This is a plausible narrative, but it's an unfalsifiable "just-so" story. It assumes this "quantum fitness advantage" exists without proving that the (enormous) metabolic and structural costs of building and maintaining such a hyper-sensitive, noise-protected system are worth the "marginal" information gain. Finally, as you correctly pointed out, the essay has no evidence. Its best case (magnetoreception) is a contested hypothesis, not a proven fact. The entire essay is a conceptual framework for a research program that has not yet yielded a single, unambiguous result. It's 100% speculation, albeit well-structured. It also says nothing about why the proposed sensitivity need be quantum!
I'm aware this sounds incredibly negative, but I wouldn't be writing at all if I didn't find the idea animating the essay highly interesting. It's a very creative idea, and it took me a hot minute to figure out why in my gut I didn't believe it. So on that score alone I think it's one of the top two or three essays I've read. Hope to hear your response!